Autistic Intimacy & Sexual Preferences

Overview

Autistic individuals, like the general population, exhibit a wide range of sexual preferences and behaviours. However, research suggests that there are notable differences in the sexual orientations and experiences of autistic individuals compared to non-autistic individuals. These differences can be attributed to various factors, including social communication challenges, sensory sensitivities, and unique cognitive profiles.

Intimacy for autistic individuals can present unique challenges, but with understanding and the right strategies, fulfilling relationships are possible. Here are some common challenges and strategies for building strong, intimate connections:

Common Challenges

1. Sensory Sensitivities: Many autistic individuals have heightened or reduced sensitivity to touch, sound, light, and other sensory inputs. This can make physical intimacy uncomfortable or overwhelming.
2. Difficulty with Social Cues: Autistic individuals may struggle to read and interpret non-verbal communication, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. This can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of disconnection.
3. Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions can be challenging for autistic individuals, which can affect their ability to navigate intimate and sexual relationships.
4. Communication Challenges: Expressing needs, desires, and feelings can be difficult for autistic individuals. This can result in unmet needs and frustration within the relationship.
5. Alexithymia: Some autistic individuals experience alexithymia, which is the inability to recognize or communicate emotions effectively. This can further complicate emotional intimacy.
6. Low Self-Esteem: Past experiences of trauma, burnout, abuse, and rejection sensitivity can contribute to low self-esteem, making it harder to form and maintain intimate relationships.

Strategies for Building Intimacy

1. Clear and Direct Communication: Use clear, direct communication to express feelings, needs, and boundaries. Written communication or visual aids can also be helpful.
2. Establish Routines and Predictability: Consistency and predictability can help reduce anxiety and create a sense of security. Establishing routines for intimacy can be beneficial.
3. Use of Technology: Emotion-tracking apps and other technological tools can assist in identifying and communicating feelings.
4. Therapy and Counseling: Professional support, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and couples therapy tailored for neurodivergent relationships, can provide valuable tools and strategies.
5. Support Groups: Joining support groups for autistic individuals and their partners can offer a sense of community and shared experiences.
6. Sensory Accommodations: Address sensory issues by using items like tinted glasses, earplugs, and weighted blankets. Adjusting lighting, sounds, and smells in the environment can also help.
7. Patience and Empathy: Building an emotionally safe space where both partners feel understood and supported is crucial. Patience and empathy are essential in navigating conflicts and misunderstandings.
8. Focus on Shared Interests: Building emotional connections through shared interests and activities can strengthen the bond between partners.
9. Explicit Consent and Boundaries: Discuss and establish clear expectations and boundaries, especially regarding physical intimacy. Explicit consent discussions can help ensure both partners feel comfortable and respected.

By understanding and addressing these challenges, autistic individuals and their partners can build strong, fulfilling relationships that honour their unique needs and experiences.

Sexual Orientation

1. Diversity in Sexual Orientation:

• Autistic individuals are more likely to identify with a wider range of sexual orientations compared to non-autistic individuals. This includes higher rates of identifying as asexual, bisexual, homosexual, and other non-heterosexual orientations.
• Autistic males are 3.5 times more likely to identify as bisexual compared to non-autistic males.
• Autistic females are three times more likely to identify as homosexual compared to non-autistic females.

1. Asexuality:

• Autistic individuals are approximately eight times more likely to identify as asexual or “other” sexual orientations compared to non-autistic individuals.
• A study found that 17% of autistic participants identified as asexual, compared to a much lower percentage in the general population.

Sexual Behavior and Experiences

1. Sexual Activity:

• The majority of autistic adults (70% of males and 76% of females) engage in sexual activity, although they do so to a lesser degree than their non-autistic peers (89% of both non-autistic males and females).
• Autistic females are more likely to be sexually active compared to autistic males.

1. Sexual Health:

• There are no significant differences in the likelihood of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or the age at which individuals first engage in sexual activity between autistic and non-autistic individuals.

1. Challenges and Risks:

• Autistic individuals may face unique challenges in sexual relationships due to difficulties with social communication and sensory sensitivities.
• Some autistic individuals may experience hypersexuality and engage in socially inappropriate sexual behaviours, which can lead to negative experiences such as victimization and abuse.

Gender Identity

1. Gender Diversity:

• Autistic individuals are more likely to identify with gender identities that differ from their assigned sex at birth. This includes higher rates of identifying as transgender, nonbinary, or gender fluid.
• A study found that 22.5% of transgender adolescents and young adults had been diagnosed with autism, compared to 2.5% of the general population.

1. Reasons for Higher Gender Diversity:

• Social experiences and reduced sensitivity to social norms may contribute to higher rates of gender diversity among autistic individuals.
• Biological factors, such as exposure to prenatal hormones like testosterone, may also play a role.

Sexual Cognitions and Experiences

1. Positive and Negative Sexual Cognitions:

• Autistic individuals report a diverse range of positive sexual cognitions (PSC) and negative sexual cognitions (NSC). PSC are more diverse and experienced with greater frequency than NSC.
• Gender and relationship experience are associated with greater diversity and frequency of PSC, but not NSC.

1. Communication and Intimacy:

• Effective communication about sexual needs and preferences can be challenging for autistic individuals. This can lead to difficulties in intimate relationships and may result in hurt feelings or sexual coercion.
• Autistic individuals may benefit from specific sex education and counselling that addresses their unique needs and challenges.

Impact on Well-Being

1. Mental Health:

• Autistic individuals who belong to sexual and gender minorities may experience higher rates of mental health difficulties due to stress and discrimination.
• Providing affirming and supportive environments can help mitigate these risks and promote positive sexual and mental health outcomes.

1. Sex Education:

• Tailored sex education programs that address the specific needs of autistic individuals are crucial. These programs should focus on communication skills, understanding social cues, and recognizing appropriate sexual behaviours.

Summary Table

Category	Details	References
Sexual Orientation	Higher rates of asexuality, bisexuality, and homosexuality – Autistic males are 3.5 times more likely to identify as bisexual – Autistic females are three times more likely to identify as homosexual	[2][5][6][12] 2 5 6 12
Sexual Activity	70% of autistic males and 76% of autistic females are sexually active – Lower rates compared to non-autistic individuals (89% of both non-autistic males and females)	6
Sexual Health	No significant differences in STI rates or age of first sexual activity	2 6
Challenges	Difficulties with social communication and sensory sensitivities – Higher risk of hypersexuality and socially inappropriate sexual behaviors	1 10 12
Gender Identity	Higher rates of transgender and nonbinary identities – 22.5% of transgender adolescents and young adults have been diagnosed with autism	9 12
Sexual Cognitions	More diverse and frequent positive sexual cognitions – Gender and relationship experience associated with greater diversity and frequency of positive sexual cognitions	11
Mental Health	Higher rates of mental health difficulties in sexual and gender minorities – Stress and discrimination contribute to mental health issues	3 12
Sex Education	Need for tailored programs addressing specific needs – Focus on communication skills, understanding social cues, and recognizing appropriate sexual behaviours	10 12

Research has identified several factors that contribute to the longevity.

• Partner Responsiveness: Partner responsiveness is a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction for both autistic and non-autistic partners. This suggests that the ability of a partner to understand and meet the needs of their autistic partner is crucial for a satisfying relationship. The responsibility for relationship longevity is shared, and both partners play a significant role in maintaining a healthy relationship
• Social Loneliness: Autistic individuals in long-term relationships often report higher levels of social loneliness compared to non-autistic partners. Addressing social loneliness through support and communication can help improve relationship satisfaction
• Personality Traits: Autistic individuals may score lower on certain personality traits, which can affect relationship dynamics. Understanding and accommodating these differences can help both partners navigate the relationship more effectively
• Sexual Satisfaction: Despite potential challenges, autistic individuals often report greater sexual satisfaction in their relationships. This can be a positive factor contributing to overall relationship satisfaction
• Communication and Social Skills: Differences in communication and social skills can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. However, the study found that these differences do not necessarily correlate with poor relationship satisfaction, suggesting that other factors, such as partner responsiveness, can mitigate these challenges
• Support and Understanding: Both partners need to work together to identify and meet each other’s needs. Service providers and therapists can assist couples in understanding and addressing these needs, which can enhance relationship satisfaction
• Health and Well-being: The general health and well-being of both partners can impact the longevity of the relationship. Addressing health issues and providing appropriate support can help maintain a strong and satisfying relationship
• Activities of Daily Living: Difficulties in activities of daily living can affect an individual’s ability to navigate daily life and maintain relationships. Supporting independence in these areas can contribute to a more fulfilling relationship

By focusing on these factors, couples can work together to build and maintain a strong, satisfying relationship, despite the challenges that may arise.

References

1. Baron-Cohen, S., Auyeung, B., Nørgaard-Pedersen, B., et al. (2015). Elevated fetal steroidogenic activity in autism. Molecular Psychiatry, 20(3), 369-376.

• Link

1. Cassidy, S., Bradley, L., Shaw, R., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2018). Risk markers for suicidality in autistic adults. Molecular Autism, 9(1), 1-12.

• Link

1. Cassidy, S., Bradley, L., Shaw, R., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2019). Suicidal ideation and suicide plans or attempts in adults with Asperger syndrome attending a specialist diagnostic clinic: a clinical cohort study. The Lancet Psychiatry, 6(10), 842-850.

• Link

1. George, R., & Stokes, M. A. (2017). Sexual orientation in autism spectrum disorder. Autism Research, 10(11), 1860-1868.

• Link

1. Strunz, S., Kieser, C., & Eisenmenger, L. (2018). Sexual behavior and health in individuals with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review. Autism Research, 11(11), 1510-1528.

• Link

1. Strang, J. F., Kenworthy, L., Dominska, A., et al. (2018). Increased gender variance in autism spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(2), 427-435.

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1. Taylor, S. L., & Westwood, H. (2019). The impact of autism spectrum disorder on sexual health and well-being: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1285.

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1. van der Miesen, A. I. R., & Steinberg, M. (2020). Positive and negative sexual cognitions in individuals with autism spectrum disorder. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1765.

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1. Wierckx, K., Van Caenegem, E., & T’Sjoen, G. (2020). Sexual health in individuals with autism spectrum disorder: A review. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 2714.

• Link

Factors Contributing to Relationship Longevity in Autistic Individuals

1. Partner Responsiveness:

• Description: Partner responsiveness, or the ability of a partner to understand and meet the needs of their autistic partner, is a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction. Both partners play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship.
• Reference: [0] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Social Loneliness:

• Description: Autistic individuals in long-term relationships often report higher levels of social loneliness compared to non-autistic partners. Addressing social loneliness through support and communication can improve relationship satisfaction.
• Reference: [6] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Personality Traits:

• Description: Autistic individuals may score lower on certain personality traits, which can affect relationship dynamics. Understanding and accommodating these differences can help both partners navigate the relationship more effectively.
• Reference: [0] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Sexual Satisfaction:

• Description: Despite potential challenges, autistic individuals often report greater sexual satisfaction in their relationships. This can be a positive factor contributing to overall relationship satisfaction.
• Reference: [6] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Communication and Social Skills:

• Description: Differences in communication and social skills can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. However, these differences do not necessarily correlate with poor relationship satisfaction, suggesting that other factors, such as partner responsiveness, can mitigate these challenges.
• Reference: [0] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Support and Understanding:

• Description: Both partners need to work together to identify and meet each other’s needs. Service providers and therapists can assist couples in understanding and addressing these needs, enhancing relationship satisfaction.
• Reference: [0] Hill, V., Berney, T., & Heasman, B. (2016). Partnership satisfaction and difficulties in couples where one partner is on the autism spectrum. Autism, 20(7), 833-844.
  • Link

1. Health and Well-being:

• Description: The general health and well-being of both partners can impact the longevity of the relationship. Addressing health issues and providing appropriate support can help maintain a strong and satisfying relationship.
• Reference: [6] **Hill, V